PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Just because I love each and every person reading this blog I wanted to make a public service announcement.

As most would know if you scream in the shower it is never a good thing.

Ok so I was in the shower innocently doing what people do...bathing and all...but then I decided to use soap. My mother always said make sure you use soap but ladies and gentlemen I am here to tell you that mothers are not ALWAYS right. If only I would not have listened to her but I am a good daughter and always do what my mothers says. Yeah well it sounds good anyways.

So as I was saying....I picked up the container of body wash...evil body wash...popped open the lid and splat directly into my eye flew a quarter size of this purple goo. I did what any normal person would do and screamed my eyes out. At that point I began to rapidly squeeze the bottle and release. This did nothing for me and so I gently put the bottle down to collect my thoughts. At this time I stepped back from the situation just to get a grip and make sure it actually did indeed hurt as much as I thought it did and upon such conformation I immediately began to scream again.

Andi came rushing in thinking I was surely dead or nearly dead or at the least mostly dead. After looking at my eye she suggested that I run water over it. I always knew she was the smart one. It did but it did not help. Here I am late at night and my eye still hurts A LOT.

chicken dance

the chicken dance is a dangerous thing. honestly but then again i can make anything dangerous.
it is true.

it was a wonderful weekend of bill paying and art. I was in a very happy place on Sunday. After putting up as much of a fight as I could we went to church. People who know me will as always scratch their head as to why I would put up a fight to go to church considering how much I love being there. What can I say? I am a freak. However, I love church and it was a great sermon.
The preacher talked about Thomas and FAITH.

FAITH.......it is like a lightbulb.

Then after church we went to eat Mexican with B....
Did I mention Happy Place? YEP

Then as if the day was not awesome enough we went to the art fair. Sure it was hot. Sure it was crowded. Sure we drove in circles in a bank parking lot more than we needed to. It was fun though. FUN FUN FUN.

The goal for the day was to look at art and then see BRAVE COMBO. They are an awesome NUCLEAR PUNK band. So we managed to pull it off.

Ladies and if there are any men reading this WE DID THE CHICKEN DANCE. I did bonk knees with some stranger and it REALLY hurt but it was a lot of fun. I loved being out there in the hot Texas sun baking like a chicken with my family.

Andi,
Thank you for being such a trooper. I adore you.

Renee'

if only i knew what i was going to say

if i knew what i was going to write i would title this blog but of course i do not. i would like to write something that would sound brillant and astonish people but i am too tired.

i do know that if you bring home tulips suddenly it is a good thing.

this morning I actually talked to my mom. Bless us Lord because we are busy. It is difficult for the two of us to reach each other. it is not for a lack of trying. Regardless today we caught up. She got to see her friend that she has not seen in a long time. It was a nice conversation.

Also I had lunch with my dad. He was driving thru and stopped in for lunch. I also got to give him a shop tour. It was cool to get to show him the press brake. It is a true MONSTER. I do not know the tonage though. I need to find out b/c he wanted to know.

We did not have the house cleaner this week and it seemed to make me a real bear. I would like to take this time to say ANDI I AM SORRY ABOUT THAT and I love you.

Painting Renee’s toenails is mostly a venture in futility. All her toes crisscross each other, so unless we leave them in the egg-carton/toe separator thingy for 30 minutes, they immediately obliterate the orange surface of one another. The resulting gummy wound makes it look as though Emma had the brush in her little paws to do the job.

We’re at the pool now. It’s about 85 outside. But the day after some dinner, dancing and a drag show, nursing bad knees all around and feeling overly warm, overly cranky and substantially hungover, we’re just kind of sitting here. I brought a book – and have passed it to her because she couldn’t think of anything to write. We dipped our toes in, and remarkably, no one drowned.

I think we have committed to the fact that she is high-maintenance. I am moody and obstinate. There is a difference.

There’s a guy here with like, four kids. All some hue of redhead. There’s also a large gaggle of 20-somethings across the pool campus. You can practically feel the swagger. Most of them are unattractive, even in their bikinis. My woman is wearing the largest sunglasses I’ve ever seen. Well, that someone would wear for real, and not for a costume in a Las Vegas comedy act. And a blue ball cap and orange shorts. And I find her to be the most stunning creature …ever. Just so you know, her orange toes match her shorts. We speculate about the hot tub potential of this establishment. She watched a family head that way, but we’re both too lazy to go see for ourselves. It’s probably too hot for a dip in a hot tub right now anyway. Without being wet, this little adventure is much like suffering.

Church this morning was a lot like camp. We got up early, got all our stuff together, then changed our mind after seeing the bear. I was panicky because of the drive into downtown FW and then she got panicky because our seats were the last, and I mean the highest, lastest, farthest awayest seats in the entire place. By the time we climbed the stairs to find the seats we were uncomfortable, achy and frazzled, so when she took one look down – straight down – to see part of the ant show on stage, it was all over. So we gathered our respective phobias and found the location of the Agape church. It was too late to attend, but at least we knew where it was and how to get there. And approximately how long it takes to drive out in the middle of BFE. We need to make sure we leave a solid 45 minutes before church begins next week so we make it on time. She’s bad with directions, I’m bad with directions and time, amanda’s bad with church all around. This should be fun.

DOG POTTY

Is it normal to go potty with a dog on your lap?

Renee' the curious

I HATE PEANUTS

Hi my Name is Renee' and I am here to say I hate peanuts. I do. It is true but to my defense they are gross. There are two exceptions to this rule:

#1
When I am at the Rangers game I like to suck the red skin off of them and then spit out the nut.

#2
I LOVE PayDay candy bars. I do not believe those are REAL peanuts though. That darn bar is just plain yummy.

Nooo Not a speed bump

Today I was walking the dog when the family pulled up. Of course at this point as any sane person would do I opened Amanda's door and the dog and I both jumped in her lap. We could not shut the door for Andi to park. The door would not shut b/c my hiney was sticking out, oh and I was holding on to the steering weel so Andi could not park. She rushed over the speed bump ahead of us like a mad woman.

Man in Park......written by TADE

Everyday at 5:25 Bob breathes a sigh of relief. He knows that the day is almost over and his therapy will soon begin. Bob shuts off his computer and walks down the hall way takes a left and passes Sally’s desk as he does every day @ 5:30. Sally smiles as kindly as she always does. Before last fall he would have stopped by to chat with her for a while but he now knows better. He has something more to do with his time. He smiles back at her and tells her to have a good evening. He continues on his journey to wash out his mug. This journey generally takes him 5 minutes when at one point in his life it took another 25. He washes out his mug with hot water, no soap except on Friday, and then excessively dries it before sitting in the cabinet. He walks back to his desk grinning to himself the whole way. He puts the needed papers in his bag, picks it up and heads out the door.

Sunshine immediately hits his face and he can not contain his joy and laughs out loud. He strolls to his car unlocks the passenger door and places his bag in the seat. He walks around the rear of his car and glances at his scraped bumper which always makes him giggle. He plops in the driver seat turns off the radio and takes off towards his slice of Heaven.

As Bob pulls up to the park he notices the trees are starting to bloom. The world around him is full of beauty and he intends to appreciate it all. He finds his perfect spot with its’ lush green grass and plops down flat on his back. He folds his fingers under his head and he closes his eyes briefly to reflect upon his day and his past. He opens his eyes and enjoys the stars that the bright sun creates in front of him. Occasionally as his young daughter would once do he reaches out to try and grab them before they fade and the clear sky above becomes clearer.

Bob often relives the events of his past and appreciates his future. He reminds himself that the stress he felt that day is to stay at his job. He knows what a wonderful life he has and so he lets it all goes. He relaxes each muscle starting with his toes and works his way up to his fingers until every muscle in his body is fully relaxed. It is about that point every day that his lovely bride lays down beside him to do just the same. They do not speak but their elbows touch which often makes her giggle. She relaxes fully just as he had.

It is at that point that they discuss nothing about their day other than how wonderful the leftovers were and what they want to eat for dinner that night. They turn on their sides towards one another and smile. She reminds him it is her night to pick and so she informs him that she had thought about it all day. They were going to that German restaurant that she loved so and he was going to dance with the old man whether he wanted to or not. He smiled and attempted a half hearted fuss about it as he leaned on one elbow but in his heart he knew he would follow her anyway and therefore he was happy. It is true that he hated to dance with the old man but if he were to be true about himself he really just enjoyed the idea of making her think he hated it.

They both turn back over to lie on their backs and silently reflect upon their week and it flashes thru his mind that he did not send that last fax but he fights the thought and remembers a derby car race when he was 12 instead.

A great quote

I've never had anyone's approval, so I've learned to live without it.

The Great Santini

Pat Conroy

The Sun Also Riseth...eth.

Driving to work, I passed a truck this morning that was carrying crane parts. This must have had 20 giant wheels in order to bear up under the weight of this crane arm I saw on the bed. I was wowed. Heavy machinery is cool.

I've started stretching in the mornings. This morning I ran out of time because the Bank of America website is a heinously designed trap that makes it impossible to do something as simple as make a payment. No, really. Why would I go to Customer Service when the Pay A Bill, Credit Card Payment, Credit Card Access, e-Bill, etc etc etc options SHOULD PROBABLY cover such a desire? Well, no. You need to click on the Customer Service tab. This discovery only came after 40 minutes of searching - I was on a mission! But I digress. Where was I? Oh, yeah...There I am, trying to do stomach crunches and stretch and other bending-at-the-waist type items, but my joints sounded like Rice Krispies(r). It was amusing at first, but then I wondered if some body part would be left on the floor after I got up.

Ah, routine. Renee' and I do a little dance every morning. One day, we will hit the road with our act, a finely tuned routine of scraping past one another, and bouncing off edges of furniture, bumping butts, bonking heads, and pocking the whole thing with "Sorry" "Oops" "Can I get in there?" and "Oh, here, you dropped this." We will be famous. People will come from all around to witness the sight of two women who cohabit the same household.

This morning, however, each of us needed to be in the exact same place at the exact same time. To wit:

Our bathroom is broken up into sections, to reduce the chances of bodily injury. The hair station is the hair dryer, mousse, spray, brush, et. al. The sink is where she puts on her makeup, where tooth care happens, and I put on lotion. The right side is for deodorant, jewelry and watch. The the walk-in closet is off our bathroom, and it's long, not square. (only one exit)

This morning she was doing her hair, as I was going to do hair, so I decided to put on lotion. Then I'm putting on deodorant as she is trying to get by me, which she seems to need to do a dozen times in that short span of time. I think I followed her into the closet, but without real direction, so I was in her way almost immediately, running my hands over blouses I had no intention of wearing.

(Did I happen to mention our apt. is less than a 1000 sq ft? Yeah.)

Then I was putting on pants as she was needing around me to get her whatchamacallit thingy. She was blocking the bathroom door trying to remember something, (in this house, we don't actually pause in the routine or we'll be late. Ask Amanda sometime about how I go ballistic if I see her sitting on the couch without multi-tasking something else) and I wanted to get by to finish my hair. I said, "You're in my way this morning." She said, "No, you're really in MY way."
Each in a state of semi-dress, though I think she's a little farther along than I am since she leaves sooner than Amanda and I do, we continue our Dance, finally having moved away from the bathroom. But then...

I trudge out to the kitchen (by out, I mean 7.5 ft away) to gather the pasta salad I made for her work potluck, and I was turning to get the black spoon from the dishwasher - and she was standing there. Right there. Blocking the dishwasher door because she was fixing a cup of coffee to go. The coffee maker is above the dishwasher. But I swear, she was back in the bedroom the moment before. She's like that angel in "The Very Old Man with Enormous Wings" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. He popped up in all parts of the house randomly. I was convinced she had magical powers of POOF!

As she made her way out the door with salad, coffee, bag and phones, she's frazzled with a headache and not feeling well in general, we kiss goodbye and the door shuts behind her. 30 seconds later she's back in because she forgot her keys. Understandable, considering she had everything else. I believe working parents need a growth hormone for a second set of arms, be twice as strong, have perfect vision and hearing, and the patience of nuns.

Amanda, meanwhile, cruises around her side of the apartment in her own bathroom and bedroom, and comes out clean and ready every morning. If she happens to momentarily pause in the short hallway where the laundry is, her person is promptly run down by the individual(s) hustling back and forth.

That is, unless she needs OUR brush, a shirt out of OUR closet, a pair of jeans, a pair of shoes, lotion...

Home Alone WHEN? - by Renee'

Imagine it is yesterday for a moment and if you read this some other day than today then just imagine it was that Tuesday that I am talking about.

Ok so I went into work with two goals: #1 survive the production meeting.....#2 leave at 5.
I am wounded but I did indeed survive the production meeting. However, death might have been easier to swallow. Regardless at 6 minutes til 5 or as some people say 4:56 I closed up shop and walked out the door. Yes, I actually did it. I was quite proud of myself.

It is interesting to me that when Andi and I first had the conversation about making sure we spent more time with Amanda that I thought she would be the one to struggle with actually pulling it off. Of course I should have known better considering how the last 6 months has gone at my job. Of course I am the one who can not seem to pull it off. As a result I went back to work yesterday (Monday just in case you are not keeping up or it is Thursday when you read this) and made it clear that no matter what I would be leaving work at 5.

So here I go off to pick up the kid and I listen to some riveting talk radio along the way to only realize there was no kid to pick up. Yes, Amanda does exist but she just was not where she was suppose to be. Her grandmother had made other plans for evening and neither of us knew about that little fact. As a result I went home alone.

I was disappointed but I made the best of it. I immediately came home and sat on my booty. No actually I came home and immediately took the dog for a walk. It was a nice little walk around the poo poo spot. I used a bag like a good little renter should and all was well. Well there were a few isolated incidents of stranger danger but good ol' Emma scared them away.

Then I came home and did something I do not believe I have done in about 5 years or actually 5 months, I cooked dinner. It is shocking I know but it is also true. Of course I cleaned the kitchen first. I made ham, potatoes, and baked beans. I cleaned the kitchen up after my cooking adventure. I tried to talk to B on the phone but I ended up dumping all of the ham juices all over the counter and floor and had to go clean that up.

It is a rare thing to be home alone. It is a bit of a lost feeling at the beginning but I quickly found my groove cooking, cleaning and of course listening to the IPOD.

Did I mention the dog is pyscho?

There's a way to alleviate self-esteem issues that arise from body image comparison discrepancies: Stop watching TV.

See it. Remember it. Don't let it go.

It's important that you understand how certain songs affect me. I've been listening to my ColdPlay CD for months, but never really "listened" to the songs that I didn't pre-like. I heard a song that moved me in such a way, that I may be forever changed. It was inspiring, freeing, remedying, chilling, renewing, invigorating and made me cry. I thought of Renee' the whole time I listened, and I played it again and again on my way to work. I let the tears stream down my face as I realized how and who and why and where.

I can't tell you which song it was because it's a surprise. I have plans for it, for her, for us. I am overwhelmed with the realization that she and I can do anything together, and that she has not once suppressed my ideas, guffawed at my dreams or held me back in any venture that I thought might be something to try. I'm the only one that has done that, and that my fears held us both back more times than I can count. Her faith in our abilities has run the gamut, from simple and flower-like to grandiose and irridescent.

I'll stretch, I swear to you, I'll get there. I'm ready.

THIS WAS ACTUALLY WRITTEN IN AUGUST 05

So what is the enemy of life? It could be so many things. Perhaps it is the fact that we own cars. Should we go back to horses? It seems they were less efficient but also cheaper to operate. Give a horse an apple or blueberry muffin on occasion and they are good to go. Oh perhaps a horse should actually get water as well. However, a car is a different story. Those darn things need gas, working brakes, and a sunroom that actually opens and closes. It is crazy really. I mean gas might go up to umm somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 million dollars per gallon because of a storm. Brakes cost $500 bucks to repair. It is all a lot of trouble.Oh we must not forget the g/f's oil change. Ok well we should not forget her oil change but of course we just put it off. It is like doing the laundry. Sure the laundry needs to be done and the oil needs to be changed but there is chocolate fondue to have and we have priorities folks. Ok so how about time. Time is an enemy as well. This weekend we ran like a madd crazy set of women. We shopped until we actually dropped. I think somewhere between Kroger and home on Sat. night I injured my left knee. Andi seemed to injure her left knee at Target on Sunday. Now when the kid came home on Sunday one of the first things she said is "my knee hurts." I started to laugh out loud and she looked at me like I was a cruel bitch. I could not help but laugh though. I said "well at least it is the right and we are now balanced." Yes when we do something as a family we all get involved. It is the only way.Now we went to Kroger for a phillips head screw driver. We are horrible lesbians because between the two of us we did not have a decent one. Andi had one but it was damaged. I had a handy dandy fancy tool kit in my car. Everything I could need was in that thing except for one item that is mysteriously missing: a freakin' phillips head screwdriver. Now at this point we had been shopping ALL DAY long for furniture.I am determined that I am going put that crap together that night because basically it had to be done. So we went to Kroger and they had pretty much all things a person could need including DVD-R's but not a phillips head screwdriver. We were not defeated though. We would just keep moving on. We went across the street to a fine store called Albertsons. Now most people would go to either Home Depot or Wal-Mart perhaps for such an item but not us. We are not traditional. We found it at the handy dandy local Albertsons and it was only $1.00.

Dear coffe table - by Amanda Reis

I have tripped over you so many times that my toe is almost broken!I will threaten to eather sell you, or throw you out.This letter is to insure you about how angry i am with what I got for $399 at walmart.My toe has sufferd too many of your consiquences now it's yoour turn. Your wooden carvings has no importance to me what so ever. At first you where a beutiful peace of wood, now you get on my very last nerve. Hopefully someone else hasthe time and patence for all of this pain that I have sufferd.

yours truly,

buahahahahahahahahahah, buahahahahahahahahah...ha..ha cough.........ahhahahahah.

More from Andi

Based on the perspective of this photo, you'd think I was towering over these three. Well, I am. I live with a houseful of small ladies. You may be aware that both my fiance and my daughter wear the same jeans and shoe size. This has been a big boon for clothes-sharing. Well, usually.

By the way, Emma outgrew her little Christmas sweater and is about 2.5 seconds away from outgrowing her collar.

This picture was taken when her little ears still flopped over. Now she's got big batty ears, which are almost cuter. Plus, we get great reception when we tie her to the TV.

Please note the look of "no stress" on the faces of A and R. That's all changed, and now we need a vacation in the Caribbean. We may go on a "scrapbooking cruise" in September - a cheap fare that Deb B. told us about. Hey, it's possible!

I can feel myself getting addicted to the "posting with photos" thing.

Much ado about nothing

First of all, I'd like everyone to know how hard my hunnybunny worked on getting her template up and running on this site, with all new colors, fonts and links. She was tweaking it for several hours on Saturday. I cleaned out the closet; not as hi-tech, but it certainly needed the job done.

Just so you know, I will be 35 this year. YES. May 7th. I remember being 15 and thinking surely I'd be dead by then, look how much I'll have done. Right on the one count, anyway.

Grinding coffee this morning, I realized something. My coffee beans were coated with a fake pecan flavoring, the creamer was fake milk flavored with fake vanilla, and I would be adding fake sugar. So why drink it if it's all so unreal? I guess the caffeine is real.

I'm starting out my day by shredding some documents. Not in an Enron kind of way, but in a "please stop shopping with my social security number" kind of way. The thing is really loud for being so small, and I heard the click of the bedroom door shutting after it ground through 5 sheets or so. An amazing thing about Renee' is that she doesn't have a fit at me, not outwardly anyway; she just chocks my thoughtlessness and retardation up to my old age and lack of attention sp...ooo! shiny! hey, cmere, woooossshhhhaaaaa, mmmm sleeepy time. Hi! My name is Dory...

Where was I? Right, puppies. We bought Amanda a book called, "How to Live with a Neurotic Dog." I wish Emma could read - she may then understand that it's not proper doggy ettiquette to do a Matrix jaunt around the house when she's chasing after her stuffed kitten. I used to feel bad for her, being in her crate all day, but after she's used my lap as a launchpad, or bitten my hand countless times in her pursuit of The Toy, the scarring reminds me of how she makes me crazy. I haven't begun any training yet, and I know my one sister is going to KILL me for that, but one day, I swear, it will happen. You'd think it wouldn't be so hard to find 15 minutes a day to train your dumb dog...

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